Helping Others - Aug 30th

I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.
~ Al S.

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as extensive work with other alcoholics. Carry the message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Life will take on a new meaning for you. To watch people recover, to see them help others in turn, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow about you, to have a host of friends, this is an experience you must not miss." Am I always ready and willing to help other alcoholics?

In working with others I have found purpose. The experience has given me an opportunity to learn and grow.
~ Mike

Surrender - Aug 29th

“Once we surrender our mind to GOD completely, HE will take care of us in every way.”
~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We cannot get along without prayer and meditation. On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when we start the day with prayer and meditation. We conclude this period of meditation with a prayer that we will be shown through the day what our next step is to be. The basis of all our prayers is: Thy will be done in me and through me today." Am I sincere in my desire to do God's will today?

When I drive the bus I always seem to crash into something - making my life a shambles. When I let my higher power drive the bus I am free to enjoy the journey. Let go and let God.
~ Mike

Spiritual Practice - Aug 28th

“Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.”
~ Bonnie Raitt

A.A. Thought for the Day
"We must continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We should grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter; it should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We must not rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." Am I checking my spiritual condition daily?

Practicing Step 10 is vital to my program. I can't say that I catch all of my mistakes but by constantly taking inventory my life is vastly improved. 

~Mike

Making Amends - Aug 27th

“It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.”
~ Dale E. Turner

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We must be willing to make amends to all the people we have harmed. We must do the best we can to repair the damage done in the past. When we make amends, when we say 'I'm sorry,' the person is sure at least to be impressed by our sincere desire to set right the wrong. Sometimes people we are making amends to admit their own faults, so feuds of long standing melt away. Our most ruthless creditors will sometimes surprise us. In general, we must be willing to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences may be for us." Have I made a sincere effort to make amends to the people I have harmed.


The list of the persons I had harmed wasn't written in stone. There were those who, in my mind, weren't deserving of consideration when I first got sober. My ex-wife, an old boss, some family members. Over time as I got a better grounding in the program and became more accepting of my own imperfections I have had the chance to review my list of those I must make amends to and have added to that list. People I once considered not deserving of an apology have been added and amendments have been made.
~ Mike

Lying to Ourselves - Aug 26th

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The primary requirement for our recovery is honesty. In order to grow in honesty we first needed to see how we had lied to others and to ourselves. This was not as easy as it first appeared. Our lies to ourselves kept us so fully in the dark that we did not know we were lying. We sometimes told "sincere" lies because we honestly did not distinguish the truth within ourselves. For so long we had preferred dishonest rationalizations, and we had come to believe them.

The spiritual life of this program is based upon experience. What we feel, what we see and hear, is what we know. When we simplify our lives and base the truth upon our experiences, we slowly cleanse ourselves of the lies we told ourselves. With this kind of honesty comes an inner peace with ourselves in whom we can say, "I know myself."

Today, I will accept my experience as a simple message of truth.

Defects - Aug 25th

“We don't love qualities; we love a person; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as their qualities.”
~ Jacques Maritain

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Unless we discuss our defects with another person, we do not acquire enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty to really get the program. We must be entirely honest with somebody, if we expect to live happily in this world. We must be hard on ourselves, but always considerate of others. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character and every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we can look the world in the eyes." Have I discussed all my defects with another person?

Intolerance for others, I know now, comes from intolerance of those defects of character I share with them. 

~ Mike

Sex - Aug 24th

“Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love”
~ Bertrand Russell

A.A. Thought for the Day

"When we saw our faults, we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and we were willing to set these matters straight. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We asked God to remove our fears and we commenced to outgrow fear. Many of us needed an overhauling in regard to sex. We came to believe that sex powers were God-given and therefore good, if used properly. Sex is never to be used lightly or selfishly, nor is it to be despised or loathed. If sex is troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others, and so take our minds off ourselves." Am I facing my sex problems in the proper way?

If we are to make progress in improving our physical, emotional and spiritual selves then we will have to review our attitudes towards sex. If the topic of sex triggers any negative feelings - shame, guilt, fear, anger - then change is necessary. AA gives us the tools we need to make those changes.
~ Mike

Resentment - Aug 23rd

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
~ Malachy McCourt

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We who have accepted the A.A. principles have been faced with the necessity for a thorough personal housecleaning. We must face and be rid of the things in ourselves, which have been blocking us. We therefore take a personal inventory. We take stock honestly. We search out the flaws in our make-up, which caused our failure. Resentment is the number one offender. Life, which includes deep resentment, leads only to futility and unhappiness. If we are to live, we must be free of anger." Am I free of resentment and anger?

My doctor had given me the quote (above) years ago and it struck a chord with me. Anger often goes unnoticed by the person we're angry at - or they simply don't care. So focusing anger and resentment only causes us pain when it is them we want to hurt. Letting go of this need to express anger is a daily struggle for me - but I am happy to say that it is a struggle in which I do see much improvement. Don't drink and go to meetings.
~ Mike

Honesty - 22 Aug

“One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong. And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission.”
~ Benjamin Disraeli

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Those who do not recover are people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to be born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover, if they have the capacity to be honest." Am I completely honest with myself and with other people?

Honesty is a quality that I took for granted. Sobriety has taught me that taking honesty for granted is wrong - it is something that I have to work at. Even the smallest lies have to be acknowledged and corrected. Step 10 tells us we must continue to take personal inventory and honesty features prominently in this.
~ Mike

Addiction=Disease

Addiction now defined as brain disorder, not behavior issue
Decades of research convinced American Society of Addiction Medicine to change definition
  - updated 8/15/2011 1:15:01 PM ET

  Addiction is a chronic brain disorder and
not simply a behavior problem involving
alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex, experts
contend in a new definition of addiction, one
that is not solely related to problematic
substance abuse.

The American Society of Addiction Medicine
(ASAM) just released this new definition of
addiction after a four-year process involving
more than 80 experts.

"At its core, addiction isn't just a social
problem or a moral problem or a criminal
problem. It's a brain problem whose behaviors
manifest in all these other areas," said Dr.
Michael Miller, past president of ASAM who
oversaw the development of the new
definition. "Many behaviors driven by
addiction are real problems and sometimes
criminal acts. But the disease is about brains,
not drugs. It's about underlying neurology, not
outward actions."

The new definition also describes addiction as
a primary disease, meaning that it's not the
result of other causes, such as emotional or
psychiatric problems. And like cardiovascular
disease and diabetes, addiction is recognized
 as a chronic disease; so it must be treated,
managed and monitored over a person's
lifetime, the researchers say.

Two decades of advancements in
neuroscience convinced ASAM officials that
addiction should be redefined by what's going
on in the brain. For instance, research has
shown that addiction affects the brain's
reward circuitry, such that memories of
previous experiences with food, sex, alcohol
and other drugs trigger cravings and more
addictive behaviors. Brain circuitry that
governs impulse control and judgment is also
altered in the brains of addicts, resulting in the
nonsensical pursuit of "rewards," such as
alcohol and other drugs.

A long-standing debate has roiled over
whether addicts have a choice over their
behaviors, said Dr. Raju Hajela, former
president of the Canadian Society of Addiction
Medicine and chair of the ASAM committee on
addiction's new definition.

"The disease creates distortions in thinking,
feelings and perceptions, which drive people
to behave in ways that are not understandable
to others around them," Hajela said in a
statement. "Simply put, addiction is not a
choice. Addictive behaviors are a
manifestation of the disease, not a cause."

Even so, Hajela pointed out, choice does play
a role in getting help.

"Because there is no pill which alone can cure
addiction, choosing recovery over unhealthy
behaviors is necessary," Hajela said.

This "choosing recovery" is akin to people with
heart disease who may not choose the
underlying genetic causes of their heart
problems but do need to choose to eat
healthier or begin exercising, in addition to
medical or surgical interventions, the
researchers said.

"So, we have to stop moralizing, blaming,
controlling or smirking at the person with the
disease of addiction, and start creating
opportunities for individuals and families to
get help and providing assistance in choosing
proper treatment," Miller said.

Relapse - Aug 15

As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair.
~ ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, The Big Book

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are, in a short time, as bad as ever. If we have admitted we are alcoholics, we must have no reservations of any kind, nor any lurking notion that some day we will be immune to alcohol. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? Parallel with sound reasoning, there inevitably runs some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. There is little thought of what the terrific consequences may be." Have I given up all excuses for taking a drink?

15 years in and I still get cravings. Fortunately they serve to scare me and, so far, I've accepted that I can never drink as a normal person.
~ Mike

Abnormal Drinking - Aug 14th

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.
~ Epictetus

A.A. Thought for the Day

"None of us like to think that we are bodily and mentally different from others. Our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove that we could drink like other people. This delusion that we are like other people has to be smashed. It has been definitely proved that no real alcoholic has ever recovered control. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. There is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic." Am I convinced that I can never drink again normally?

Getting drunk on weekends was the norm for me growing up so naturally I developed this pattern myself by the time I was 17. I had no idea that this was abnormal - I looked forward to my weekends when I could get drunk. Gradually my drinking grew to include Sundays and I was always on the lookout for some occasion to authorize my drinking through the week. It was no surprise that by the end I was drinking most nights and was always feeling hungover when I was sober. I know now that that was abnormal drinking.

~ Mike

A Personal Relationship with your Higher Power

Few delights can equal the mere presence of One whom we fully trust.

~ George Macdonald

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We had but two alternatives; one was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other was to accept spiritual help. We became willing to maintain a certain simple attitude toward life. What seemed at first a flimsy reed has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us, a design for living that really works. All of us establish in our own individual way our personal relationship with God." Have I established my own relationship with God?

My relationship with my Higher Power is a force in my life for good, for positive change. My Higher Power gives life to my conscience, my hopes and is a constant reminder to me that life is a precious gift.

~ Mike

What is a "Higher Power"?

Beginnings:

AA sprang from The Oxford Group, a non-denominational movement modeled after first-century Christianity. Most Group members ("Groupers") were not concerned with sobriety, but some, such as Ebby Thacher, believed the group was a critical aid in staying sober. Following the Group's evangelical bent, Thacher sought out former drinking buddy Bill Wilson to tell him he was sober because he had "got religion." Thacher also told Wilson he could get sober too if he set aside his objections to religion and form a personal conception of God, "another power" or "higher power."

• Pass It On, p 117.
• Walter HA, Soul Surgery p. 44 Oxford: The Oxford Group
• Kurtz, Ernest (1980). Not-God: a history of Alcoholics Anonymous. Center City, Minn: Hazelden Educational Services. 

A.A. Thought for the Day

"There was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet by Alcoholics Anonymous. By doing so, we have a spiritual experience which revolutionizes our whole attitude toward life, toward others, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives there in a way, which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do for ourselves." Have I let God come into my life?

As you can see in the Thought for the Day (from Hazelden's "24 Hour a Day" published in 1954) the idea of a Christian God is prevalent throughout most writings regarding AA. I'm not sure why this makes me uncomfortable after being in the program for 15 years but it does. It's a troubling aspect of AA and the most common obstacle that newcomers stumble on. However without a new spirituality I'm sure that sobriety isn't possible for most. I pray to a Higher Power every day but stop short of recognizing the Christian God. I hope that this issue is never a roadblock in your recovery.
~ Mike

Loneliness - Aug 10th

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

~ Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I drank with strangers and treated them as friends so that I could live the illusion of having friends. They were doing pretty much the same thing, hanging out with people they didn't know. We were bonded together by our drinking and our loneliness. I hated going home to an empty apartment or house. I lived alone for years and before I got sober I was never comfortable with myself. Now when I am alone it's because I choose to be and it is solitude and solitude allows me to meditate and relax. I have no excuse to be lonely now and the program of AA has allowed me to make friends with people from all walks of life. I no longer feel lonely and I have sobriety and AA to thank for it.
~ Mike

Psychic Change - Aug 9th

Change before you have to.
~ Jack Welch

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We have an allergy to alcohol. The action of alcohol on chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. We allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. We cannot be reconciled to a life without alcohol, unless we can experience an entire psychic change. Once this psychic change has occurred, we who seemed doomed, we who had so many problems that we despaired of ever solving them, find ourselves able to control our desire for alcohol." Have I had a psychic change?

Alcohol was always on my mind when I was drinking. Like the Big Book says - I was restless, irritable and discontented anytime I didn't have alcohol. Today that thinking is completely foreign to me.
~ Mike

Miracles - 07 Aug

“Out of difficulties grow miracles.”
~ Jean de la Bruyere

A.A. Thought for the Day

We in A.A. are offering an intangible thing, a psychological and spiritual program. It's a wonderful program. When we learn to turn to a Higher Power, with faith that that Power can give us the strength we need, we find peace of mind. When we re-educate our minds by learning to think differently, we find new interests that make life worthwhile. We who have achieved sobriety through faith in God and mental re-education are modern miracles. It is the function of our A.A. program to produce modern miracles. Do I consider the change in my life a modern miracle?

Every day of sobriety is a miracle and every miracle a gift.
~ Mike

Balance - 06 Aug

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.
~ Thomas Merton 

Balance for me has been about avoiding drama, working on my relationships (especially with my higher power). Not drinking & going to meetings. Speaking up when something pisses me off - without losing my temper. Giving more than is asked of me and looking after my own needs. The last 5 years has given me the opportunity to share my journey with 2 step-kids and having kids in my life has granted me a wonderful and fresh perspective. I like moments of solitude but have learned to shun isolation. I probably should be more physically active and I should eat better but I feel that I've found emotional and spiritual balance in my life and I'm truly grateful for that. Perfect balance isn't possible but progress towards a more balanced life is a worthwhile daily pursuit.

~ Mike