Boredom - Nov 22nd

“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”
~ Thomas S. Szasz

A.A. Thought for the Day

I have got rid of most of my boredom. One of the hardest things that a new member of A.A. has to understand is how to stay sober and not be bored. Drinking was always the answer to all kinds of boring people or boring situations. But once you have taken up the interest of A.A., once you have given it your time and enthusiasm, boredom should not be a problem to you. A new life opens up before you that can be always interesting. Sobriety should give you so many new interests in life that you shouldn't have time to be bored. Have I got rid of the fear of being bored?

Boredom still dogs me occasionally, I try to respond with curiosity in the world around me. If that doesn't work then I go to a meeting

~ Mike

Money - Nov 21st

A fool and his money are soon parted.
~ Thomas Tusser

A.A. Thought for the Day

I no longer waste money, but try to put it to good use. Like all of us, when I was drunk, I threw money around like I really had it. It gave me a feeling of importance - a millionaire for a day. But the morning after, with an empty wallet and perhaps also some undecipherable checks, was a sad awakening. How could I have been such a fool? How will I ever make it up? Thoughts like these get you down. When we are sober, we spend our hard-earned money as it should be spent. Although perhaps some of us could be more generous in our A.A. giving, at least we do not throw it away. Am I making good use of my money?

I spent money foolishly when I was drinking - and just the cost of drinking at a bar was crazy. Drinking at a bar 4 nights a week can easily cost over $100/week - that's without buying rounds for others. I do spend my money more wisely now.

~ Mike

Escape - Nov 20th

“Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices.”
 ~ Alfred A. Montapert


A.A. Thought for the Day

I no longer try to escape life through alcoholism. Drinking built up an unreal world for me and I tried to live in it. But in the morning light the real life was back again and facing it was harder than ever, because I had less resources with which to meet it. Each attempt at escape weakened my personality by the very attempt. Everyone knows that alcohol, by relaxing inhibitions, permits a flight from reality. Alcohol deadens the brain cells that preside over our highest faculties and we are off to the unreal world of drunkenness. A.A. taught me not to run away, but to face reality. Have I given up trying to escape life?

Alcohol's ability to allow me to escape is what seduced me. All of my worries and insecurities would dissolve with alcohol, my behaviour while drinking would, of course, fuel even more worry. The more I drank the more I needed to escape - a crazy cycle. Even today I still attempt to escape at times - when I catch myself telling a lie or avoiding a responsibility, but at least I am catching these things a doing something about them. Escape is not the answer and only leads down a dark road.

~ Mike

Our Dark Side - Nov 17th

Every one is a moon, and has a dark side....
Mark Twain

A.A. Thought for the Day

Everyone has two personalities, a good and a bad. We are all dual personalities to some extent. When we were drinking, the bad personality was in control. We did things when we were drunk that we would never do when we were sober. When we sober up, we are different people. Then we wonder how we could have done the things we did. But we drink again, and again our bad side comes out. So we are back and forth, always in conflict with our other selves, always in a stew. This division of our selves is not good; we must somehow become unified. We do this by giving ourselves wholeheartedly to A.A. and to sobriety. Have I become unified?

My dark side expressed itself through my greed, petty cruelty, and envy. I spent a lot of energy justifying and validating anger and other destructive feelings. Only once I accepted that I have to resist the urge to act badly that I started a journey towards being whole.
~ Mike

Inner Conflict - Nov 16th

“The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself.”
~ Garth Brooks


A.A. Thought for the Day
I have got rid of most of my inner conflicts. I was always at war with myself. I was doing things that I did not want to do. I was waking up in strange places and wondering how I got there. I was full of recklessness when I was drunk and full of remorse when I was sober. My life didn't make sense. It was full of broken resolves and frustrated hopes and plans. I was getting nowhere fast. No wonder my nerves were all shot. I was bumping up against a blank wall and I was dizzy from it. A.A. taught me how to get organized and to stop fighting against myself. Have I got rid of inner conflicts?

For years in sobriety I continued to play old tapes in my mind. The tapes where I am being told that I'm not good enough, smart enough, that I'm a quitter and am ungrateful and unloving. I had taken these toxic thought on as my own and though the words were uttered by others the replaying of those words was all my own doing. My inner conflict.
~ Mike

Commitment to AA - Sept 29th

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”
~ Tom Robbins

A.A. Thought for the Day

Having got this far, shall we pause and ask ourselves some searching questions? We need to check up on ourselves periodically. Just how good an A.A. am I? Am I attending meetings regularly? Am I doing my share to carry the load? When there is something to be done, do I volunteer? Do I speak at meetings when asked, no matter how nervous I am? Do I accept each opportunity to do twelfth step work as a challenge? Do I give freely of my time and money? Am I trying to spread A.A. wherever I go? Is my daily life a demonstration of A.A. principles? Am I a good A.A.?

AA is a wonderful program and fellowship and only works through the commitment of those who step up to ensure that things run smoothly. I feel most connected to AA when I am doing work for my group or for a fellow member.

~ Mike

Spiritual Experience - Sept 27th

I'm touched by the idea that when we do things that are useful and helpful - collecting these shards of spirituality - that we may be helping to bring about a healing.
~ Leonard Nimoy

A.A. Thought for the Day

Continuing the consideration of the term spiritual experience: "What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self discipline. With few exceptions, our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource, which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves the essence of spiritual experience. Some of us call it God consciousness. In any case, willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery." Have I tapped that inner resource which can change my life?

Awareness of and a belief in a Higher Power has been a source of comfort and inspiration in my journey in sobriety.

~ Mike

Making Amends - Sept 22nd

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.
~ Dale Turner

A.A. Thought for the Day

Step Eight is, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." Step Nine is, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Making restitution for the wrongs we have done is often very difficult. It hurts our pride. But the rewards are great. When we go to a person and say we are sorry, the reaction we get is almost invariably good. It takes courage to make the plunge, but the results more than justify it. A load is off your chest and often an enemy has been turned into a friend. Have I done my best to make all the restitution possible?

Making amends was one of the first things I ever tried in sobriety - long before I was ready to do it. Over time I learned that making amends was not about making myself feel better but about regretting what harm had been done to others.

~ Mike

Daily Ritual - Sept 21st

The Secret to Peace of mind is to not identify with anything other than your True Self.

~ Robert Adams

A.A. Thought for the Day

Let us continue with Steps Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Ten. In taking a personal inventory of ourselves, we have to face facts as they really are. We have to stop running away. We must face reality. We must see ourselves as we really are. We must admit our faults openly and try to correct them. We must try to see where we have been dishonest, impure, selfish, and unloving. We do not do this once and forget it. We do it every day of our lives, as long as we live. We are never done with checking up on ourselves. Am I taking a daily inventory of myself?

As I've grown to know and understand myself I have found fewer reasons to wear a mask while out in the world. 

~ Mike

Honest Inventory - Sept 20th

Begin to be now what you will be hereafter.
~ William James

A.A. Thought for the Day

Step Four is, "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Step Five is, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our, wrongs." Step Six is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." Step Seven is, "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." Step Ten is, "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." In taking a personal inventory, we have to be absolutely honest with ourselves and with other people. Have I taken an honest inventory of myself?

Taking an honest inventory is the single most difficult thing to do in recovery. That is why it should be done more than once - the healthier I got the more honest I was able to be with myself.

~ Mike

Peace through Honesty - Sept 19th

Who's not sat tense before his own heart's curtain?
—Rainer Maria Rilke

Meeting our Higher Power and ourselves is the universal spiritual process. Sitting before the curtain of our hearts may feel as awesome to us or as frightening as anything we will ever do. When we first admit to ourselves a deeper truth, we feel these overpowering tensions. For some of us, this is a necessary step, which leads to self-knowledge and inner peace. We feel unique, different, alone, and maybe even crazy. For the first time, we are listening to our inner truth rather than outside messages.

Let's think for a moment about today's tensions and strains. Are we really aware of their source? Perhaps they are created by the disturbing honesty of our hearts? We may find our spiritual growth in yielding to the truth. When we are cynical about spiritual experience or when we minimize the importance of our soft-spoken inner wisdom, we are avoiding the truth from our hearts. And we miss the possibility of becoming strong from within.

Today, I will live through the tension and fear of my honesty to reach the point of peace with myself.

Faith in a Higher Power - Sept 18th

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

A.A. Thought for the Day
Step Two is, "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." Step Three is, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." Step Eleven is, "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." The fundamental basis of A.A. is a belief in some Power greater than ourselves. Let us not take this lightly. We cannot fully get the program without this venture of belief. Have I made the venture of belief in a Power greater than my own?

Faith in a higher power was a roadblock for me throughout most of my life. The very idea of God was troubling  and I would avoid the topic. Now I am not so concerned about what God is I simply believe that there is a higher power that loves unconditionally and wishes the best for everyone. 

~ Mike

Acceptance - Sept 17th

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”
~ William James

A.A. Thought for the Day

Step One is, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." This step states the membership requirement of A.A. We must admit that our lives are disturbed. We must accept the fact that we are helpless before the power of alcohol. We must admit that we are licked as far as drinking is concerned and that we need help. We must be willing to accept the bitter fact that we cannot drink like normal people. And we must make, as gracefully as possible, surrender to the inevitable fact that we must stop drinking. Is it difficult for me to admit that I am different from normal drinkers?

Accepting that my life had gone off the rails was one thing - but asking for help in setting my life right was the hardest thing I've ever done. I hope you can do the same.

~ Mike

Practicing the Steps - Sept 16th

What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.
~ C. S. Lewis

A.A. Thought for the Day

Today, let us begin a short study of The Twelve Suggested Steps of A.A. These Twelve Suggested Steps seem to embody five principles. The first step is the membership requirement step. The second, third, and eleventh steps are the spiritual steps of the program. The fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and tenth steps are the personal inventory steps. The eighth and ninth steps are the restitution steps. The twelfth step is the passing on of the program, or helping others, step. So the five principles are membership requirement, spiritual basis, personal inventory, restitution, and helping others. Have I made all these steps a part of me?

Only in practicing the AA 12 Steps in my daily life am I able to break the destructive patterns I had practiced in my life before AA.

~ Mike

Think Positive - Sept 14th

When a person drowns himself in negative thinking he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself.

•   Maxwell Maltz  

Negative thoughts can rule our lives as compulsively as an addiction. The feelings of power we get from holding a dismal and gloomy outlook deprive us of the positive and pleasant parts of life. Some of us have said, "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed. If I think the worst about myself, no one else can cut me down." It is like taking a driving trip and looking only for trash and garbage in the ditches, ignoring the beauty beyond. Indeed, what we see may be real, but it is a very limited piece of the picture.

When we have relied on negative thinking, it feels risky to give it up. We cannot do it in one day. We can begin by imagining ourselves with a more open attitude toward the world and ourselves. Then we can try it out as an experiment in little ways, with no commitment. Finally we reach the point where we can take a risk and entrust our Higher Power with the outcome.

Today, I will experiment with hopeful and positive thoughts about what happens.

Haven - Sept 12th

“Home is not where you live, but where they understand you”
~ Christian Morganstern

A.A. Thought for the Day

"What draws newcomers to A.A. and gives them hope? They hear the stories of men and women whose experiences tally with their own. The expressions on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating atmosphere of the A.A. clubroom, conspire to let them know that there is haven at last. The very practical approach to their problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people in A.A. have is irresistible." Have I found a real haven in A.A.?

Finding a good home group in AA is key to acceptance. The find a safe haven with people you can relate to will give you no end of comfort.

~ Mike

New Friends - Sept 11th

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”
~ C.S. Lewis

A.A. Thought for the Day

Continuing the answers to the question of how a person can live without liquor and be happy, we say: "You will be bound to the other A.A.s with new and wonderful ties, for you and they will escape disaster together and all will commence shoulder to shoulder the common journey to a better and more satisfactory life. You will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will become happy, respected, and useful once more. Since these things have happened to us, they can happen to you." Have these things happened to me?

Overcoming my fear of people opened up a whole new life for me. Making new friends in AA has been a true blessing and has given me the opportunity to see that I am not so different. In being like others I don't feel so disconnected from the world.

~ Mike

A New Life - Sept 9th

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
~ Maria Robinson

A.A. Thought for the Day

When alcoholics are offered a life of sobriety by following the A.A. program, they will look at the prospect of living without alcohol and they will ask: "Am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some of the righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?" Have I found a more than sufficient substitute for drinking?

My biggest fear was that without alcohol I would never have fun again. Nothing could be further from the truth - in fact I laugh more often now than I did as a drunk.

~ Mike

But for the Grace of God - Sept 8th

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

~ Robert Frost (from "The Road Not Taken")


A.A. Thought for the Day

Another of the mottoes of A.A. is "But for the Grace of God." Once we have fully accepted the program we become humble about our achievement. We do not take too much credit for our sobriety. When we see another suffering alcoholic in the throes of alcoholism, we say to ourselves: "But for the grace of God, there go I." We do not forget the kind of people we were. We remember those we left behind us. And we are very grateful to the grace of God, which has given us another chance. Am I truly grateful for the grace of God?

When I was active in my addiction I foolishly believed that I would never, ever, end up homeless and living on the streets. Now when I look back I realize how close I was to that fate and I look at the homeless and honestly believe that there, but for the grace of God, go I.

~ Mike

Easy Does It

 "Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure."
~ Norman Vincent Peale

A.A. Thought for the Day

Another of the mottoes of A.A. is "Easy Does It." This means that we just go along in A.A. doing the best we can and not getting steamed up over problems that arise in A.A. or outside of it. We alcoholics are emotional people and we have gone to excess in almost everything we have done. We have not been moderate in many things. We have not known how to relax. Faith in a Higher Power can help us to learn to take it easy. We are not running the world. I am only one among many. We are resolved to live normal, regular lives. From our A.A. experience we learn that "easy does it." Have I learned to take it easy?

Going about life without taking anything personally was an alien concept to me when I came into AA. I have heard some in the program say that before coming into A.A. the world seemed full of assholes - but today assholes seem to be very rare. Have a great day.

~ Mike

Acceptance - Sept 6th

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”
~ Peace Pilgrim

A.A. Thought for the Day

Another of the mottoes of A.A. is "Live and Let Live." This, of course, means tolerance of people who think differently than we do, whether they are in A.A. or outside of A.A. We cannot afford the luxury of being intolerant or critical of other people. We do not try to impose our wills on those who differ from us. We are not "holier than thou." We do not have all the answers. We are not better than other good people. We live the best way we can and we allow others to do likewise. Am I willing to live and let live?

Almost every member you hear talk about the slogan "Live and Let Live" will say that they struggle with this idea. I am no different. In letting go of my need to be right I have come a long way in accepting others though perfection remains just a goal.

~ Mike

Priorities - Sept 5th

It is easier to stay out than get out.
~ Mark Twain


A.A. Thought for the Day

One of the mottoes of A.A. is "First Things First." This means that we should always keep in mind that alcohol is our number one problem. We must never let any other problem; whether of family, business, friends, or anything else take precedence in our minds over our alcoholic problem. As we go along in A.A., we learn to recognize the things that may upset us emotionally. When we find ourselves getting upset over something, we must realize that it's a luxury we alcoholics can't afford. Anything that makes us forget our number one problem is dangerous to us. Am I keeping sobriety in first place in my mind?

I've found that the best way to keep this idea foremost in my mind is to get to meetings and to stay in touch with my AA fellows.

~ Mike

Tolerance - Sept 4th

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”
~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We must be careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. We are not fanatics or intolerant of people who can drink normally. Prospects are relieved when they find we are not witch burners. Temperate drinking is okay, but we alcoholics can't get away with it. And no alcoholic likes to be told about alcohol by anyone who hates it. We shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility." Do I have tolerance for those who can drink normally?

Being tolerant of others was not a skill I had learned before coming into AA. Through sobriety and with the knowledge I've been given by the program I now understand that AA is not a religion to be preached but a way of life to be practiced.

~ Mike

Newcomers - Sept 3rd

“Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Offer new prospects friendship and fellowship. Tell them that if they want to get well you will do anything to help. Burn the idea into the consciousness of new prospects that they can get well, regardless of anyone else. Job or no job, spouse or no spouse, they cannot stop drinking as long as they place dependence on other people ahead of dependence on God. Let no alcoholic say they cannot recover unless they have their family back. This just isn't so. Their recovery is not dependent upon other people. It is dependent on their own relationship to God." Can I recognize all excuses made by a prospect?

It seems to me that humour and the sound of a group of alcoholics laughing and enjoying themselves will surprise the newcomer most of all. Most newcomers, I believe, assume that a life of sobriety will be a life without fun. As the newcomer becomes more attracted to a life of sobriety I believe their need to cling to unhealthy ideas will slip away. That's just my 2 cents worth.

~ Mike

Helping Others - Aug 30th

I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.
~ Al S.

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as extensive work with other alcoholics. Carry the message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Life will take on a new meaning for you. To watch people recover, to see them help others in turn, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow about you, to have a host of friends, this is an experience you must not miss." Am I always ready and willing to help other alcoholics?

In working with others I have found purpose. The experience has given me an opportunity to learn and grow.
~ Mike

Surrender - Aug 29th

“Once we surrender our mind to GOD completely, HE will take care of us in every way.”
~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We cannot get along without prayer and meditation. On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when we start the day with prayer and meditation. We conclude this period of meditation with a prayer that we will be shown through the day what our next step is to be. The basis of all our prayers is: Thy will be done in me and through me today." Am I sincere in my desire to do God's will today?

When I drive the bus I always seem to crash into something - making my life a shambles. When I let my higher power drive the bus I am free to enjoy the journey. Let go and let God.
~ Mike

Spiritual Practice - Aug 28th

“Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.”
~ Bonnie Raitt

A.A. Thought for the Day
"We must continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We should grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter; it should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We must not rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." Am I checking my spiritual condition daily?

Practicing Step 10 is vital to my program. I can't say that I catch all of my mistakes but by constantly taking inventory my life is vastly improved. 

~Mike

Making Amends - Aug 27th

“It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.”
~ Dale E. Turner

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We must be willing to make amends to all the people we have harmed. We must do the best we can to repair the damage done in the past. When we make amends, when we say 'I'm sorry,' the person is sure at least to be impressed by our sincere desire to set right the wrong. Sometimes people we are making amends to admit their own faults, so feuds of long standing melt away. Our most ruthless creditors will sometimes surprise us. In general, we must be willing to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences may be for us." Have I made a sincere effort to make amends to the people I have harmed.


The list of the persons I had harmed wasn't written in stone. There were those who, in my mind, weren't deserving of consideration when I first got sober. My ex-wife, an old boss, some family members. Over time as I got a better grounding in the program and became more accepting of my own imperfections I have had the chance to review my list of those I must make amends to and have added to that list. People I once considered not deserving of an apology have been added and amendments have been made.
~ Mike

Lying to Ourselves - Aug 26th

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The primary requirement for our recovery is honesty. In order to grow in honesty we first needed to see how we had lied to others and to ourselves. This was not as easy as it first appeared. Our lies to ourselves kept us so fully in the dark that we did not know we were lying. We sometimes told "sincere" lies because we honestly did not distinguish the truth within ourselves. For so long we had preferred dishonest rationalizations, and we had come to believe them.

The spiritual life of this program is based upon experience. What we feel, what we see and hear, is what we know. When we simplify our lives and base the truth upon our experiences, we slowly cleanse ourselves of the lies we told ourselves. With this kind of honesty comes an inner peace with ourselves in whom we can say, "I know myself."

Today, I will accept my experience as a simple message of truth.

Defects - Aug 25th

“We don't love qualities; we love a person; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as their qualities.”
~ Jacques Maritain

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Unless we discuss our defects with another person, we do not acquire enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty to really get the program. We must be entirely honest with somebody, if we expect to live happily in this world. We must be hard on ourselves, but always considerate of others. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character and every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we can look the world in the eyes." Have I discussed all my defects with another person?

Intolerance for others, I know now, comes from intolerance of those defects of character I share with them. 

~ Mike

Sex - Aug 24th

“Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love”
~ Bertrand Russell

A.A. Thought for the Day

"When we saw our faults, we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and we were willing to set these matters straight. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We asked God to remove our fears and we commenced to outgrow fear. Many of us needed an overhauling in regard to sex. We came to believe that sex powers were God-given and therefore good, if used properly. Sex is never to be used lightly or selfishly, nor is it to be despised or loathed. If sex is troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others, and so take our minds off ourselves." Am I facing my sex problems in the proper way?

If we are to make progress in improving our physical, emotional and spiritual selves then we will have to review our attitudes towards sex. If the topic of sex triggers any negative feelings - shame, guilt, fear, anger - then change is necessary. AA gives us the tools we need to make those changes.
~ Mike

Resentment - Aug 23rd

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
~ Malachy McCourt

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We who have accepted the A.A. principles have been faced with the necessity for a thorough personal housecleaning. We must face and be rid of the things in ourselves, which have been blocking us. We therefore take a personal inventory. We take stock honestly. We search out the flaws in our make-up, which caused our failure. Resentment is the number one offender. Life, which includes deep resentment, leads only to futility and unhappiness. If we are to live, we must be free of anger." Am I free of resentment and anger?

My doctor had given me the quote (above) years ago and it struck a chord with me. Anger often goes unnoticed by the person we're angry at - or they simply don't care. So focusing anger and resentment only causes us pain when it is them we want to hurt. Letting go of this need to express anger is a daily struggle for me - but I am happy to say that it is a struggle in which I do see much improvement. Don't drink and go to meetings.
~ Mike

Honesty - 22 Aug

“One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong. And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission.”
~ Benjamin Disraeli

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Those who do not recover are people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to be born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover, if they have the capacity to be honest." Am I completely honest with myself and with other people?

Honesty is a quality that I took for granted. Sobriety has taught me that taking honesty for granted is wrong - it is something that I have to work at. Even the smallest lies have to be acknowledged and corrected. Step 10 tells us we must continue to take personal inventory and honesty features prominently in this.
~ Mike

Addiction=Disease

Addiction now defined as brain disorder, not behavior issue
Decades of research convinced American Society of Addiction Medicine to change definition
  - updated 8/15/2011 1:15:01 PM ET

  Addiction is a chronic brain disorder and
not simply a behavior problem involving
alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex, experts
contend in a new definition of addiction, one
that is not solely related to problematic
substance abuse.

The American Society of Addiction Medicine
(ASAM) just released this new definition of
addiction after a four-year process involving
more than 80 experts.

"At its core, addiction isn't just a social
problem or a moral problem or a criminal
problem. It's a brain problem whose behaviors
manifest in all these other areas," said Dr.
Michael Miller, past president of ASAM who
oversaw the development of the new
definition. "Many behaviors driven by
addiction are real problems and sometimes
criminal acts. But the disease is about brains,
not drugs. It's about underlying neurology, not
outward actions."

The new definition also describes addiction as
a primary disease, meaning that it's not the
result of other causes, such as emotional or
psychiatric problems. And like cardiovascular
disease and diabetes, addiction is recognized
 as a chronic disease; so it must be treated,
managed and monitored over a person's
lifetime, the researchers say.

Two decades of advancements in
neuroscience convinced ASAM officials that
addiction should be redefined by what's going
on in the brain. For instance, research has
shown that addiction affects the brain's
reward circuitry, such that memories of
previous experiences with food, sex, alcohol
and other drugs trigger cravings and more
addictive behaviors. Brain circuitry that
governs impulse control and judgment is also
altered in the brains of addicts, resulting in the
nonsensical pursuit of "rewards," such as
alcohol and other drugs.

A long-standing debate has roiled over
whether addicts have a choice over their
behaviors, said Dr. Raju Hajela, former
president of the Canadian Society of Addiction
Medicine and chair of the ASAM committee on
addiction's new definition.

"The disease creates distortions in thinking,
feelings and perceptions, which drive people
to behave in ways that are not understandable
to others around them," Hajela said in a
statement. "Simply put, addiction is not a
choice. Addictive behaviors are a
manifestation of the disease, not a cause."

Even so, Hajela pointed out, choice does play
a role in getting help.

"Because there is no pill which alone can cure
addiction, choosing recovery over unhealthy
behaviors is necessary," Hajela said.

This "choosing recovery" is akin to people with
heart disease who may not choose the
underlying genetic causes of their heart
problems but do need to choose to eat
healthier or begin exercising, in addition to
medical or surgical interventions, the
researchers said.

"So, we have to stop moralizing, blaming,
controlling or smirking at the person with the
disease of addiction, and start creating
opportunities for individuals and families to
get help and providing assistance in choosing
proper treatment," Miller said.

Relapse - Aug 15

As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair.
~ ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, The Big Book

A.A. Thought for the Day

"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are, in a short time, as bad as ever. If we have admitted we are alcoholics, we must have no reservations of any kind, nor any lurking notion that some day we will be immune to alcohol. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink? Parallel with sound reasoning, there inevitably runs some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. There is little thought of what the terrific consequences may be." Have I given up all excuses for taking a drink?

15 years in and I still get cravings. Fortunately they serve to scare me and, so far, I've accepted that I can never drink as a normal person.
~ Mike

Abnormal Drinking - Aug 14th

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.
~ Epictetus

A.A. Thought for the Day

"None of us like to think that we are bodily and mentally different from others. Our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove that we could drink like other people. This delusion that we are like other people has to be smashed. It has been definitely proved that no real alcoholic has ever recovered control. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. There is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic." Am I convinced that I can never drink again normally?

Getting drunk on weekends was the norm for me growing up so naturally I developed this pattern myself by the time I was 17. I had no idea that this was abnormal - I looked forward to my weekends when I could get drunk. Gradually my drinking grew to include Sundays and I was always on the lookout for some occasion to authorize my drinking through the week. It was no surprise that by the end I was drinking most nights and was always feeling hungover when I was sober. I know now that that was abnormal drinking.

~ Mike

A Personal Relationship with your Higher Power

Few delights can equal the mere presence of One whom we fully trust.

~ George Macdonald

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We had but two alternatives; one was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other was to accept spiritual help. We became willing to maintain a certain simple attitude toward life. What seemed at first a flimsy reed has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us, a design for living that really works. All of us establish in our own individual way our personal relationship with God." Have I established my own relationship with God?

My relationship with my Higher Power is a force in my life for good, for positive change. My Higher Power gives life to my conscience, my hopes and is a constant reminder to me that life is a precious gift.

~ Mike

What is a "Higher Power"?

Beginnings:

AA sprang from The Oxford Group, a non-denominational movement modeled after first-century Christianity. Most Group members ("Groupers") were not concerned with sobriety, but some, such as Ebby Thacher, believed the group was a critical aid in staying sober. Following the Group's evangelical bent, Thacher sought out former drinking buddy Bill Wilson to tell him he was sober because he had "got religion." Thacher also told Wilson he could get sober too if he set aside his objections to religion and form a personal conception of God, "another power" or "higher power."

• Pass It On, p 117.
• Walter HA, Soul Surgery p. 44 Oxford: The Oxford Group
• Kurtz, Ernest (1980). Not-God: a history of Alcoholics Anonymous. Center City, Minn: Hazelden Educational Services. 

A.A. Thought for the Day

"There was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet by Alcoholics Anonymous. By doing so, we have a spiritual experience which revolutionizes our whole attitude toward life, toward others, and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives there in a way, which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do for ourselves." Have I let God come into my life?

As you can see in the Thought for the Day (from Hazelden's "24 Hour a Day" published in 1954) the idea of a Christian God is prevalent throughout most writings regarding AA. I'm not sure why this makes me uncomfortable after being in the program for 15 years but it does. It's a troubling aspect of AA and the most common obstacle that newcomers stumble on. However without a new spirituality I'm sure that sobriety isn't possible for most. I pray to a Higher Power every day but stop short of recognizing the Christian God. I hope that this issue is never a roadblock in your recovery.
~ Mike

Loneliness - Aug 10th

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

~ Mother Teresa of Calcutta

I drank with strangers and treated them as friends so that I could live the illusion of having friends. They were doing pretty much the same thing, hanging out with people they didn't know. We were bonded together by our drinking and our loneliness. I hated going home to an empty apartment or house. I lived alone for years and before I got sober I was never comfortable with myself. Now when I am alone it's because I choose to be and it is solitude and solitude allows me to meditate and relax. I have no excuse to be lonely now and the program of AA has allowed me to make friends with people from all walks of life. I no longer feel lonely and I have sobriety and AA to thank for it.
~ Mike

Psychic Change - Aug 9th

Change before you have to.
~ Jack Welch

A.A. Thought for the Day

"We have an allergy to alcohol. The action of alcohol on chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. We allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. We cannot be reconciled to a life without alcohol, unless we can experience an entire psychic change. Once this psychic change has occurred, we who seemed doomed, we who had so many problems that we despaired of ever solving them, find ourselves able to control our desire for alcohol." Have I had a psychic change?

Alcohol was always on my mind when I was drinking. Like the Big Book says - I was restless, irritable and discontented anytime I didn't have alcohol. Today that thinking is completely foreign to me.
~ Mike

Miracles - 07 Aug

“Out of difficulties grow miracles.”
~ Jean de la Bruyere

A.A. Thought for the Day

We in A.A. are offering an intangible thing, a psychological and spiritual program. It's a wonderful program. When we learn to turn to a Higher Power, with faith that that Power can give us the strength we need, we find peace of mind. When we re-educate our minds by learning to think differently, we find new interests that make life worthwhile. We who have achieved sobriety through faith in God and mental re-education are modern miracles. It is the function of our A.A. program to produce modern miracles. Do I consider the change in my life a modern miracle?

Every day of sobriety is a miracle and every miracle a gift.
~ Mike

Balance - 06 Aug

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.
~ Thomas Merton 

Balance for me has been about avoiding drama, working on my relationships (especially with my higher power). Not drinking & going to meetings. Speaking up when something pisses me off - without losing my temper. Giving more than is asked of me and looking after my own needs. The last 5 years has given me the opportunity to share my journey with 2 step-kids and having kids in my life has granted me a wonderful and fresh perspective. I like moments of solitude but have learned to shun isolation. I probably should be more physically active and I should eat better but I feel that I've found emotional and spiritual balance in my life and I'm truly grateful for that. Perfect balance isn't possible but progress towards a more balanced life is a worthwhile daily pursuit.

~ Mike

Tomorrow - 30 July 2011

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”
~ Leo F. Buscaglia 

A.A. Thought for the Day


The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise, and perhaps its poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn. Do I still worry too much about tomorrow.


The AA Big Book tells us about the promises we can all expect if we stick with this program. I can tell you that for me the promises came true - I found that my new attitude allows me to live more in the present than ever before. I can't say that I am completely free of regret for yesterday or worry for tomorrow but I live in the moment now more than ever. My life is immeasurably better for it.
~ Mike

Resolve - July 28th

“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”
~ Eric Zorn 

A.A. Thought for the Day


To continue the paraphrase of the psalm: "The judgments of the twelve steps are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than whiskey, yea, than much fine whiskey, sweeter also than wine. Moreover, they warn alcoholics and in keeping of them there is great reward. Who can understand our alcoholism? Cleanse us from secret faults, Keep us from presumptuous resentments. Let them not have dominion over us. Then shall we be upright and free of the great transgression." Am I resolved that liquor will never again have dominion over me?


I resolved not to drink ever again (at least that is my plan) but for the longest time afterwards was at a loss as to how to replace it in my thinking. Over time I have come to look forward to spending time with friends in the program and making my daily contact with my higher power. These new motivations have fully displaced my obsession with drinking. 
~ Mike

The Inner Asshole - July 27th

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”

~ Chinese Proverb

My inner "asshole" is the outward reflection of my worst personality traits. The impatient, ego-driven, self-righteous jerk who leaps into the room anytime my base sense of entitlement or fear of dismissal or rejection is triggered. How I wish that I had the presence of mind to let life's petty confrontations slide by without comment, without judgement. Why is it I cannot ignore rudeness and inappropriate behaviour in others. In my need to be right and to seek out the moral high ground I swallow the poison that is my anger directed at others. But they may or may not ever be aware of the anger, may not care, will not necessarily even change if they were aware. And worse - there are times when they are not even wrong. So why let the barking dog of my anger free? I must remember to dial 3 - 11 when my anger threatens to become public. 

~Mike

Step 3:   Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

 Step 11: Sought, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Priorities - July 26th

Good things happen when you get your priorities straight.
~ Scott Caan

A.A. Thought for the Day

When we come to the end of our lives on earth, we will take no material thing with us. We will not take one cent in our cold, dead hands. The only things that we may take are the things we have given away. If we have helped others, we may take that with us; if we have given of our time and money for the good of A.A., we may take that with us. Looking back over our lives, what are we proud of? Not what we have gained for ourselves, but what few good deeds we have done. Those are the things that really matter in the long run. What will I take with me when I go?

I hope to take with me the knowledge that my AA fellows could count on me and that I made the difference for the better in someone else's life.
~ Mike

Diversity - July 22nd

Diversity: the art of thinking independently together. 
~ Malcolm Forbes


A.A. Thought for the Day


One of finest things about A.A. is the diversity of its membership. We come from all walks and stations of life. All types and classes of people are represented in an A.A. group. Being different from each other in certain ways, we can each make a different contribution to the whole. Some of us are weak in one respect, but strong in another. A.A. can use the strong points of all its members and can disregard their weaknesses. A.A. is strong, not only because we all have the same problem, but also because of the diversified talents of its members. Each person can contribute part. Do I recognize the good points of all my group's members?


In measuring myself against other men I am either diminishing them in my mind, or diminishing myself if I feel inferior. These are both negative actions. It is only when I put my ego to rest and see my fellow without the need to compare that I can truly be his friend and to hear his message.
~ Mike

Tolerance - July 21st

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”
~ Peace Pilgrim

A.A. Thought for the Day

If we feel the need of saying something to put another member on the right track, we should try to say it with understanding and sympathy, not with a critical attitude. We should keep everything out in the open and aboveboard. The A.A. program is wonderful, but we must really follow it. We must all pull together or we'll all be sunk. We enjoy the privilege of being associated with A.A. and we are entitled to all its benefits. But gossip and criticism are not tolerance, and tolerance is an A.A. principle that is absolutely necessary to group unity. Am I truly tolerant of all my group's members?

Living with others in the program didn't come easily to me. My need to measure myself against my fellows controlled most of my interactions with others for a very long time. A good friend shared an idea with my men's group last night about how with true humility we can come to accept a sense of "healthy insignificance". When I let go of my ego I find it much easier to tolerate and accept my fellows.
~ Mike